i like this piece, but, the spacing hinders it. i would suggest trying it without the breaks. you know me, so i'll be honest, the spacing job looks kinda like an experiment in spacing gone wrong. good poem. i really like it, but the spacing and linework is something to look at. you might want to lengthen the lines, too. ask yourself-- "why do you break on those lines where you do? what does it mean to single out 'all' and 'to.'"

hope you didn't take this as harsh! and don't be fooled, i really like this one ^.^
-PoetryNexus

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~PoetryNexus advanced workshop for all poets.
"we touch everything and nothing at once.
join in."
"There exist only three beings worthy of respect: the priest, the soldier, the poet. To know, to kill, to create."
Charles Baudelaire (1821 - 1867)

haha i always get scared when you comment. but yeh i'll take a look right now....
Hmm..the spacing. i can see where you're coming from. but i like it. hmm the singling out of 'all' and 'to' is just there to break it up, that's why enter is on its own in bold, i was hoping to kind of..hmm..make enter very important. hmm. i don't like long lines. i find my work difficult to read if its in long lines and much prefer the broken maybe even uneven behaviour of my words. this poem and most of my poems, are always broken, they're generally exact thoughts thrown down, bitty and a little rough. and that was me trying to justify the bad spacing. thanks for commenting, i appreciate it, you always make me either think about change, or realise why i don't want to change it. xx

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squiggle, squiggle, jiggle, jiggle